Push, Pull and that Space in Between

The feminine energy of softness and strength settling into the space in between.

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately. On this life and the push and pull we find ourselves in on a daily basis. I’m one to push myself and to be honest, it’s often not what’s best for me physically, mentally and/or emotionally. So then I find myself pulling right back, hiding under the covers, not wanting to engage. And more often than not I end up sick, with a migraine and massive tension throughout my body. My body is sending me messages but have I been listening as intently as I should? Well, yes and no. I listen, I feel into my body, I say “just let me do this thing” then “just let me finish that thing”. I do respond but often it’s only when the shouting starts. Either my own shouting or my body shouting at me. And I tell you, this push and pull is exhausting! I suppose I do it because I want to do “all the things”. All the things I love, all the things my girls want to do, all the things I expect of myself. Then there are those other things: things others expect of me (although I find the wiser I become the less I allow those things to make a dent in my emotional whirlpool), the general responsibilities we need to undertake in order to simply “survive” and those mundane tasks we can’t avoid forever. Even if we’re not “doing” them, we’re thinking about them and they’re like a heavy tonne of bricks on our psyche, weighing us down as we sink slowly (and sometimes quickly!) into the ground, unable to push them off of us without a lot of effort, all the while more things are being added to this sometimes invisible tottering pile of tasks and expectations. Who’s with me?!

I’m not complaining (well not to you but admittedly I do sometimes complain to loved ones and myself about “all the things”!), I’m simply wanting to point out these reflections and how I’ve come to a place of really needing to find that space between for my own sanity and, even more deeply, my survival. You see, I don’t think we can survive as beautiful feminine women in this heavily masculinised world if we let the weight of everything continue to pull us down without supporting the feminine in a nurturing and nourishing way. Yes there is an ebb and flow to life, that is the very nature of the feminine. But if as women we are DOING more and PUSHING more in a masculine, driven way, then we may in turn be suppressing our feminine when she wants to come out to “play” or to rest or to simply BE. It’s about finding both the softness and the strength and intwining the two of them together to become the women we’re meant to be.

For me, I found myself in a very masculine state after being diagnosed with breast cancer. I really took charge and I do feel I needed to be there at that stage of my life and I’m grateful that I could allow my masculine to take charge. It became quite entrenched though and I can even see how it has negatively affected my relationship with my husband and my children. Because I was so in my masculine my husband wasn’t able to be. You see, there is a dynamic in relationships, a balance of masculine and feminine, whether you’re in a female/male relationship or a LGBTQIA relationship, for a relationship to work with ease and flow, the masculine/feminine balance needs to be there otherwise there’s another push/pull that’s likely to be taking place. I can also see that being in my masculine wasn’t what was best for my daughters and as my feminine has been in the light more in recent years I can see and feel how my relationship with my girls has gone from strength to strength. They respond to the feminine because it’s in them too. And I want to model that for them so they keep their feminine energy in the light rather than pushing her away to hide. They also respond to the screaming banshee that I sometimes become when they’re simply not responding to anything at all! This isn’t what I like to model for them but alas she does present herself at times when I’m massively triggered and haven’t had enough of that space I’m talking about here.

So, it took some time to recognise in myself that I was living in the masculine much more than the feminine. And even with that awareness it has been difficult to drop the constant DOING of the masculine and to allow more time and space for daydreaming, simply being and self nurturing. I’m wound up so bloody tightly that my body memory wants to continue in that state as that’s how it remembers to be. Rushing, busy-ness, constantly thinking, ticking off my mental list. It’s certainly not a state I enjoy being in or want to be in long term. Yet that’s where I constantly find myself if I’m not conscious about the state I intend to be in. Yes, I see the benefits when things need to be done, they get done. But I’ve come to the point over the last few months where things weren’t getting done anyway. Until recently I’ve been in a victim state of procrastination, overwhelm and apathy. These states are messages from my body saying “STOP!” I finished work in June and I haven’t given the space to my soul and body that they desire. Actually, not desire, deeply need. I’ve been ignoring the signs. When I look back further, I can see that I haven’t made that time and space available to myself since finishing cancer treatment. I went straight into doing mode with study and trying to “fix” my health. All very masculine. All go go go. All requiring vast amounts of energy that I didn’t have then and I still don’t feel I have now. As a woman it’s not my natural state of being so it requires more energy to stay in that state long term. In the meantime I’m constantly depleting any energy I am able to build up when I do snatch those feminine spaces.

So how does one replenish that feminine energy and vitality? There are so many ways!

With lots of self reflection taking place I’m realising that my plant medicine business just needs to be in the flow, I’m not going to push, I’m just going to allow what it will be to be. I love creating and making flower essences and my oil blends and will definitely continue to do so. I’m playing with tea blends to share and I look forward to seeing what else will come forth from this space of play and creativity with the wonderful plant medicines we have available to us. This was always my intention but I’ve let myself and my own internal expectations take me on a bit of a ride (all in my head of course, gosh we can get stuck in there sometimes can’t we!!) If you’d like to keep supporting me in my creative outlet then I’ll happily serve you in this way :)

I’ve been taking a homeopathic remedy which has been wonderful for pulling me out of that awful cycle I’d found myself stuck in that was energy depleting. I’ll continue on that and will no doubt continue to see the benefits to my whole being, including my feminine coming out to play more and more.

Attending women’s circles and similar events lift me up and definitely get me into the flow of the feminine. I’m going on a women’s retreat in November which I am so looking forward to. Cacao ceremonies and the dancing that ensues definitely gets my feminine energy flowing and these will continue of course as my deep love for dancing will never be abated. Then simply spending time in my body, in bed, in the shower, focusing deeply on my body and all the feels that come with that. Being in our bodies and feeling the feelings that arise is the quickest way of getting ourselves into the feminine! Simply sit and focus all of your attention on your whole body for two minutes and feel that energy vibrating within. Let that energy flow into the activities of your day and the encounters you experience.

Another way to increase your feminine energy is to spend time with other women who are also within their feminine. We share energy and this energy is passed with every connection we make. This simple connection, a touch, a long held eye gaze, a loving comment, will touch the heart of your feminine, so make sure you’re sharing your feminine energy with others too. Let’s help it to grow!

This last week I had a very intense psychosomatic body therapy session whereby I released a lot of stuck emotions from my body. The therapist could see from my way of being and my words that I’m a striver and my female ancestors have probably also been strivers out of necessity. They had to step into their own masculine for extended periods which I’ve picked up on and carried throughout parts of my life. There are some wonderful flower essences for that, in particular Spirit of Woman’s Pink Shamrock (if you’d like to work on clearing some of your transgenerational ties and patterns I can help you with that, please get in touch). Anyway, this therapist has recommended (and given me permission in a way) to go back to bed for two hours once the girls have gone to school (and on weekends) where I’m to sleep, read fiction (only) and journal. No study, no phone, no to do lists, no non-fiction books, no Netflix. Light a candle, have a cup of tea, JUST BE.

Upon reflecting on this and how wonderful this feels to even just think about, I feel this is what has been missing for me. I definitely take snippets of time for myself but such a big block daily feels very luxurious. But also necessary to help move me through this phase of my healing journey. I can’t quite believe I hadn’t thought of doing this myself! But I suppose as a wife, mother, home manager, student, business owner, I didn’t feel like I’d have the time to do such a thing. I’ve been saying since I finished work in June that I was in need some space. Well, this is just the space my heart has been desiring. I am so looking forward to giving myself this space over the coming weeks and perhaps even months to see what happens with my tense and overly wound up body, my tense and overly wound up mind, with my psyche and my soul. I’m looking forward to this experiment and will try to share some of my experiences with it, if it feels in the flow to do so.

This is one of the way I hope to find that “space in between” so that I may continue doing the things I love for myself and others with more vitality, joy and pleasure.

Does any of this resonate with you? I’d love to hear your own experiences with being in the masculine and how you get yourself back into that beautiful feminine that is our life force.

Much love to you and healing energy too!

Cassie xo